THE GREAT UNSEEN

Those three words, ‘the great unseen’, have become important to me.

I was driving home from a doctor’s visit, it was a beautiful day, the trees
aflame with deep oranges, crimson and purples. Out of nowhere,
not any reflection of the purpose of the visit (bronchitis), I found myself
seeing an image of something I had experienced earlier in this week.
It was the reflection of my almost naked body in the dressing room
of a store, while clothes shopping.

It’s one thing to look down on what I can see of me and think, I should
lose some weight.” It’s one thing to have no full length mirror at home,
to see only parts of myself in the mirrors over the various sinks, to thus
have only bits and pieces of what I actually look like.

In the middle of the early morning after that shopping trip, I awoke with
a tight chest, coughing, and runny eyes and nose. I was in for it! Cripes.

During this week of limited physical activity, I have fallen into moments
of contemplation, of revery. Out of the blue, I felt in my deepest tissues
of my body, how much I actually hated what my body ‘has become’,
what I have allowed my body to become. That was so shocking to me,
that realization of what’s so, that, in between coughs and sniffling, I
awoke to another strange place within me, one of absolute peace.

Can you imagine that? It knocked me over. I had been housing that
hatred, all unseen, for years. To finally come to grips with such an
awareness had plunged me into a new awareness for which I had
absolute, unbelievable compassion and love.

No struggle, no judgement, just the ability to
notice what’s so. I am in amazement.
Sometimes thats what bottoming out feels like.

Well, that’s where I am now. No story of pounds lost, no history of
accomplishment, instead a quiet place inside that includes all of me,
mind, body and spirit. What I can report is that I am no longer feeling
food hungers; rather I find myself choosing foods from quite another
place. It’s a start.
……………………………………

Maybe a prayer I have said for many years finally took root and is
growing as a mantra, as a reminder:
“I ask the great unseen healing force to remove all obstructions
from my mind and body, to restore me to perfect health.
And I will do my part.
I ask the great unseen healing force to help both present and
absent ones who are in need of help , to restore them to perfect
health. I put my trust in the love and power of God.”
( a prayer I found in an Interfaith book)

Any part of that, take what you like and leave the rest.
with love …
Mom/Mimi/Toni/Antoinette

LAVENDER DAYS

I decided to revisit Billy Collins this morning. His new poetry is
both edgy and soft, but then, when has it not? Sounds like the
winds of change have barreled through his life.

VERMONT, EARLY NOVEMBER

It was in between seasons,
after the twitter of late autumn
but before the icy authority of winter

and I took in the scene from a porch,
a tableau of silo and weathervane
and a crowd of ferns on the edge of the woods —

nothing worth writing about really,
but it is too late to stop now
that the ferns and the silo have been mentioned.

I drank my warm coffee
and took note of the disused tractor
and the lopsided sign to the cheese factory.

Not one of those mornings
that makes you want to seize the day,
not even enough glory in it to make you want

to grasp every other day,
yet after staring for a while
at the plowed-under fields and the sky

I turned back to the order of the kitchen
determined to seize firmly
the second Wednesday of every month that lay ahead.”

……BILLY COLLINS, from his book of poems, “Ballistics”.

What happens on any second Wednesday?
I love my appointment book because it contains two views
of the months, each month: one spread of all the weeks plus
pages of daily hours in which to schedule my precious life.

It doubles as a diary. I mark the entries in different colors
in order to find patterns quickly when I look to see what
is running my life. Well, I do that often.

And this poem reminded me of the lavender days I
used to schedule ahead for the month, random mornings
or afternoons where I stripped in ahead little lavender
post-its, spaces for rest or adventure to show up.

When did I stop doing that? Seems to me it might be a
good idea to start that again and add some unexpected
opportunity to shake up any old habit from creeping in.

So glad Billy Collins looks for glory. ( don’t know him well
enough to call him ‘Billy’, yet love him enough for ‘Collins’
not to be good either)
GLORY !
That would make any Wednesday something to be seized,
grasped, held onto, and be surprised by.

I think I have some old lavender post-its hanging around
somewhere to make room for that.

with love …
Mom/Mimi/Toni/Antoinette