Those three words, ‘the great unseen’, have become important to me.
I was driving home from a doctor’s visit, it was a beautiful day, the trees
aflame with deep oranges, crimson and purples. Out of nowhere,
not any reflection of the purpose of the visit (bronchitis), I found myself
seeing an image of something I had experienced earlier in this week.
It was the reflection of my almost naked body in the dressing room
of a store, while clothes shopping.
It’s one thing to look down on what I can see of me and think, I should
lose some weight.” It’s one thing to have no full length mirror at home,
to see only parts of myself in the mirrors over the various sinks, to thus
have only bits and pieces of what I actually look like.
In the middle of the early morning after that shopping trip, I awoke with
a tight chest, coughing, and runny eyes and nose. I was in for it! Cripes.
During this week of limited physical activity, I have fallen into moments
of contemplation, of revery. Out of the blue, I felt in my deepest tissues
of my body, how much I actually hated what my body ‘has become’,
what I have allowed my body to become. That was so shocking to me,
that realization of what’s so, that, in between coughs and sniffling, I
awoke to another strange place within me, one of absolute peace.
Can you imagine that? It knocked me over. I had been housing that
hatred, all unseen, for years. To finally come to grips with such an
awareness had plunged me into a new awareness for which I had
absolute, unbelievable compassion and love.
No struggle, no judgement, just the ability to
notice what’s so. I am in amazement.
Sometimes thats what bottoming out feels like.
Well, that’s where I am now. No story of pounds lost, no history of
accomplishment, instead a quiet place inside that includes all of me,
mind, body and spirit. What I can report is that I am no longer feeling
food hungers; rather I find myself choosing foods from quite another
place. It’s a start.
……………………………………
Maybe a prayer I have said for many years finally took root and is
growing as a mantra, as a reminder:
“I ask the great unseen healing force to remove all obstructions
from my mind and body, to restore me to perfect health.
And I will do my part.
I ask the great unseen healing force to help both present and
absent ones who are in need of help , to restore them to perfect
health. I put my trust in the love and power of God.”
( a prayer I found in an Interfaith book)
Any part of that, take what you like and leave the rest.
with love …
Mom/Mimi/Toni/Antoinette